Sin is sometimes hard to understand. What is it? It’s a transgression against whom? The topic can seem very abstract. This past week, though, sin and its effects became very real and penetrating, and I came to learn more about the latter question.
It’s probably safe to say that I don’t sin against people in a way that hurts them too often. This is in no way a source of pride. First, I know my own heart, and though I may not say things or do things that harm others, I too often sin against others in my thoughts and vainglorious judgments. Second, I don’t talk much, so there isn’t much opportunity for me to say things that are sinful. Also, I tend to be kind of conservative in my actions, and I’ll think things through, often too much, before doing them. Third, I sometimes hurt others through lack of action, like when I avoid some social situations because of fear or whatever, which might get misinterpreted as coldness or me not liking someone or having something against someone, or when I don’t stand up for people when others are gossiping or whatever else about them.
But yeah, I don’t usually do it, but this week, I sinned against someone for sure, and it was painful, for this person when I said something hurtful, and for me being convicted of my sin and the ensuing remorse, but I at least am learning much from it.
I never really understood how sin against others was so tied with sin against God. It was puzzling to me when King David said “Against You, You only, have I sinned…” in Psalm 51 when he had committed adultery with a woman, whose husband he murdered soon after. Seems like a sin-against-person thing, yet his poetic hyperbole was put there to highlight the significance of the sin against God. But in this week’s incident, it became clearer how sin against man and sin against God were connected. My comment was the anvil that broke the camel’s back during an occasion that was supposed to be about glorifying God and bonding in spirit with my brothers and sisters. But in one swoop, my smug and inappropriate comment hurt this person publicly. And on the God side of it, it made a mockery of all that the occasion was supposed to be and a violation of God’s most important commandment – to love God and to love others.
When I went to this person to apologize after realizing the hurt my words had caused, this person was in pain. This person meant so much to me, and I had long felt that I’d rather die than to ever have any part in causing this person pain, but I had betrayed this person. So I went into the room not long after the incident, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. Nothing like this had ever happened between us before. So I apologized, and there was a long silence. I wasn’t sure what to do. Maybe the apology just wasn’t enough. It was just words, sincere for sure, but still, they were just words, like the comment was just words. Should I show my sincerity by getting on my knees as an act of contrition? Should I go back out and offer to leave the person alone for a while? I would have fully deserved being cast out after that betrayal. (I’m being sort of vague about details and am consciously trying to maintain confidentiality while being able to share these insights. Also, if the diction I chose seems like a tempest-in-a-teapot, I want you to know that I really do consider these events to be as weighty as I make them out to be.)
But the person responded with grace and forgiveness and openness about how the words hurt. Last year, I grappled with what it meant to forgive others, whose actions from the past (both recent and far off) still caused me pain and anger (= desire for vengeance). One definition of forgiveness (another term that’s hard to understand) that I found useful was “being willing to bear the pain caused by the sins of others without holding grudges or willing that the offender be punished for her actions”… or something like that. But now, being at the receiving end of forgiveness, I understand this concept more clearly. There was much pain – from humiliation and betrayal. But it was borne so that the friendship could be restored. Thank goodness. I don’t think I could have slept that night if I had been asked to leave the room or if things were not right between us. But there was grace. We ended up talking for a long time and leaving the room closer than we were before.
We talked about sin against man being an indicator of the greater sin against God, so it’s only fitting that I describe how forgiveness from man is a reflection of forgiveness from God. Jesus bore the pain and punishment for all of our sins on the cross. All we need to do is recognize our sin, confess it, repent of it, and receive the forgiveness that God, the one we sinned against, can give. Why does he do it? He is a loving and merciful God who wishes that none would perish.
Psalm 51:1-17
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
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